Jo Undecided (on) Nearly Everything
This month has been slow. I have learnt a lot about myself and even my relationship with God. Firstly I went to Cherish women’s conference. I was flippin confused here! It was great to be surrounded by these amazing women from my church, but also wrestling with the question “what am I doing here”, and upset that Dad and Emma just left. But towards the end of the weekend I came up with a conclusion… suck it up!
I’ve heard so many sermons that say you can’t have sad emotions cause that’s not godly. “Christians can’t have depression if they are really Christians”, “Just pray and ask God to help you feel better”, “When you look to God, you will feel better with the Holy Spirit helping you.” Now while I do believe in the last statement, it’s not a quick fix. So what was the conclusion? I had a good cry and realised I need to stop wallowing and get my crap together. Cause I’m the only one that’s holding me back. I just need to be real with myself. Some days are not okay, but I need to fight and not let it take control of me.
And how have I been going with that…well better than last month. I have actually done quiet times, studied the Bible, gone to different churches, done bible study with my mentor and a mentee, and talked to more people about my relationship with God. It’s not perfect, but it’s better.
So what’s the Jo Undecided (on) Nearly Everything all about? I’ve now been here for 5 months, my contract ends in 6 months. A common question I am asked is, “how long are you here for”, which I don’t know the answer to. There are so many possibilities. Do I stay here in England, do I stay in the same job, do I get a new job, do I go to New Zealand, do I work as a youth pastor again, do I get a normal office job or retail, do I go back to study. Literally, the possibilities are endless. The only thing I can’t do is travel, cause I don’t have enough money for that. So if anyone has any ideas or know of any jobs opening up, or they have heard a word from God, then LET ME KNOW!! I know it’s ages away and I do feel like I need to focus on my time here, but it’s just one of life’s challenges at the moment.
Before I talked about a quick fix, that’s something I’ve been learning this month.
- There is no way to get a quick fix with your relationship with God. No matter how much you wish it would be! You can’t read your Bible once and everything will be sorted.
- There is no quick way to get fit! I’ve been going to the gym and eating really well this month, but I haven’t seen any improvements yet.
- There is no quick way to earn money. I really want to travel, but I need money for this. I want to get a second job but I can’t find one. I want to sell my artwork, but I have no idea how.
- There is no quick fix to cleaning. So I have been living by myself this month, and there are so many things to do to run a household. And it’s only me!! Sometimes I wish a fairy godmother would come by and clean all of my dishes!
So that was June. A lot of being with people cause I’ve been by myself in the house, but also a lot of talking to God about whats next.